Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
