Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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