Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
