FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
