first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
