I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
