I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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