we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
