How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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