dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
