how can u be prego again
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
