dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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