I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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