ugly people sure do ruin things
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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