Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
