i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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