either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
40s are totally the cure
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
