There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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