my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
