the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize