Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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