Don't you send me to vm
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize