I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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