I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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