sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
