Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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