youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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