Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
