Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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