You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
barbara walters just said penis...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
