Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
