I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
