dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
