Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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