best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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