The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
