What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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