I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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