never play flip cup with pint glasses
ugly people sure do ruin things
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
