It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
