I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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