I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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