peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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