Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she told me i tasted like america
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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