yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
