this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
