If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
