Do you still have your period?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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