Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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