her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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