i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
