Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
