Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
