honey bunches of taint.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
