My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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