no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
