so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
