I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
