remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
