I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
