the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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