Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Randomize
