theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
