from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
