You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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