Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
