So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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