She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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