I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
