Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im holly from the hills drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
