So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize