he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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