Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
